Boyfriends, best friends and merging the two

A couple of weeks ago I took a little trip to Disneyland to see the new water show World of Color with Mr. Live-in and my best friend. Now, I take a lot of trips to Disneyland, but this one was unique. Normally we don't mix lighthearted friend trips to the Happiest Place On Earth, with all the romance of being in such a magical place with the men we have overwhelming feelings of concern for. But recently, Mr. Live-in and Bestie have developed their own relationship... dare I say it, they are friends. 

Yes, these are my favorite people in the world

Even though I came home exhausted and in need of a real vacation, I loved watching them interact and realizing that 50 years from now, I could see them still getting along (which is good, because Bestie and I have decided that when our men die -- because all men die first, right? -- we will be heterosexual life partners.)

Having your best friend and your boyfriend being so close is great in a lot of ways, but also has its draw backs. But, in order to maintain a healthy relationship with both... it is crucial. So here are a few tricks to keeping the best friend and the boyfriend in sync.

1) Sharing your time separately

Girl nights: Boys have their poker, girls need a weekly meetup without their men as well! My bests and I love our reality TV nights and are particularly into So You Think You Can Dance and The Bachelorette. For those of you living with boyfriends, this needs to be done at a different location. We definitely have tried it at my place and Mr. Live-in has now gotten on board and is invested in who gets that final rose! Bless his heart.

Date nights: They should be just that. My favorite thing in the world is when Mr. Live-in and I will go out to dinner and a movie just the two of us, getting away from home, work and friends. Just being together. 

Keeping the conversation off of the other party: No one likes gossip. Oh wait... everyone loves gossip. But maybe set aside a few minutes to talk about what is going on in the third parties life and then move on. It is important to keep the boyfriend and best friend in the loop about each other, but it should never monopolize the conversation for the night. 

2) Sharing your time together

Keep them talking... to each other: Something they have in common. For these two it's Disney, Scuba Diving and of course... mocking me! Whatever works, even it isn't something they can do on a regular basis, just keep them talking to each other! It is better to have you feel like the third wheel for an hour, than to have either of them feeling left out every time they hang out together. 

Find a reason to have them swap digits: You would not believe how much easier my life became when I did not have to play middle man for those two. Ladies, if you are the jealous type... DO NOT go here.... it might drive you crazy. But if you completely trust both parties, this works very well in your favor. Just remember, if he is smart he will utilize Bestie for things like birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and other big moments. By nature this will bring them closer together and you will not have to work nearly as hard to keep both happy at any given point. 

3) Introduce both to your separate nights:

I have a unique situation with Mr. Live-in and Bestie. See, Bestie has a long distance man throughout most of the year, early in our relationship Mr. Live-in realized adopting Bestie into some of our dates would earn him A LOT of points. He even went as far as taking us both to an afternoon movie on Valentine's Day, because her man wasn't in town. But for a lot of people, these (platonic) three way dates are not so easy.

Seating arrangements: At the movies this one is easy, sit between them. But things like dinner get tough, if you are at a booth you have to choose who you are sitting with (or having them sit together which is just downright uncomfortable for everyone.) Best to always go for chaired tables so you can be more middle ground as well. 

Not getting too touchy: Hand holding, spooning, PDA... all awesome... when you are not with a group of people. Sure a little hand holding and stolen kisses are great, but when it comes to having Mr. Live-in come around for girl time, don't make the others sad that their men aren't around (or worse, that they don't have men.)

And that's it. Keep them together, keep them separate... and break the rules. 

Choosing the proper roommate

I have had many different living situations in the past. I have been assigned roommates in the dorms, found roommates from the group of friends I lived with in the dorms, roommates when I went abroad that come from near and far, and the dreaded platonic male roommates.

Currently though, I am taking a step into unchartered waters and living with my boyfriend (read previous post to learn where he comes from). This is by far the most interesting of experiences. For starters, we don't get sick of each other, the way we had imagined. It most definitely has become a "the best is yet to be" situation, rather than a "it will get better" (Tangent: to all my 20-something couples out there... if you are saying the latter of those two phrases, it is time to reevaluate)

But while I am in curling up in my new nest with my beau... I am starting to see what a few of my other friends are going through. I have three very close friends, each from very different parts of my life and all going through very different living situations.  Some are living with friends that are quickly showing their Heathers side and making us all a little worried about their stability. Others are still away at school, "living" with friends they met during their second chance at student housing... but in reality are shacking up with the guy they are, well... shagging. A few are suffering the effects of the economy (and college loans) and choosing to keep it in the family and changing the name Mom to Roomie. 

Now I have at one point or another, experienced all of these situations and have had very different outcomes in each.  The crazy roommate one lead to the shacking up with Shaggy for a semester, and when Mom said "pay rent or move" I opted out of having my parents be roommates, landlords and RAs all at the same time and packed my bags. 

What I can tell you is that choosing your roommates is a very, VERY tricky thing. So here is some advice to all of those out there who are looking to find a new nest in the near future. 

Find roommates who like the same type of social situations you do

I must admit, I am a bit of a hermit. I come home from work and I throw myself onto the couch and love to pull out a good book or start a movie.... alone. The worst living situation I could find myself in would be a person that needs to constantly be surrounded by people. The trick to finding a great roommate match is finding someone that you either want to be around all the time, or that has no problem Skyping you from down the hall.

Choose a roommate who lives like you do

My favorite roommate situation was when I lived in the dorms in college was between two girls whom I would have never paired as "buddies" outside of this living situation. But the moment I saw their room, I understood why it was meant to be. It literally looked like what I am sure the fish in the Gulf Coast are experiencing right now. Trash, food and clothes everywhere. Let's just say they lived together for a long time after freshman year. 

Make sure you understand the house rules

Nothing is worse than not communicating what each of you expects out of a living situation. If you want to buy groceries together and split them down the middle... make sure you are at least cooking together or know how much that person is going to eat on a daily basis. If you are going to share basic things like milk, bread and laundry detergent, it is always best to make a chart or a running list of who has paid for what when.

Make sure you understand the house rules (so important it gets to be two headlines)

Split the chores... evenly. If someone HATES taking out the trash, put them on dish duty. When I lived with boys I absolutely would not mow a lawn (I am a bit of a princess and never learned how)... so instead I made sure the kitchen was cleaned from the ground up on a regular basis.

Have a place to escape to

No living situation stays perfect forever. Always have a friend, activity, oasis where you can go just to chill away from home for a bit. 

So no matter how you find them. Albeit school, work, family or Craigslist, know what you are getting into. Do your homework and know those roommates! 

Pick of the Week: Online dating

When we were kids, online dating consisted of middle aged old men and crazy cat ladies that had no other way of tracking down that special someone. These days, there are countless dating Web sites that help lonely individuals search out their ultimate compatibility. 

That's why online dating sites get my 20-something Pick of the Week.

Recently, I have discovered that online dating sites have attracted a slew of those under the age of 30. I'll be the first to admit that I have tried online dating. And it has even worked.  Here are a few reasons why I believe online dating works for the quarter life crowd.

• We are just too busy to date. Trying to be rockstars in "the real world", trying to find jobs that will make us rockstars, or just trying to get through school, many of us are working upwards of 50 hours a week and simply don't have time to find dates.
• Bars don't cut it anymore. Be honest, bars have rarely helped anyone find long lasting love.
• It seems hopeless. Broken heart after broken heart has caused many 20-somethings to just give up on the traditional dating.
• First dates are like interviews. They are stressful. You need to look your best, put on a dog-and-pony show, and master the art of small talk. the beauty of online dating is you get a dating resume or application if you will, that helps you weed out the duds.
• You know your on the same page. By going to sites like Match.com, you are ensuring that you are finding someone who is looking for the same things you are. 

So here is to you, online daters. May you tell many entertaining stories as to how you met your new beau.

Tips for surviving the QLC meltdown

We all get them. Generally it happens around the first of the month when all of our bills are due, when your boss decides to continuously mention how awesome the person who's position you now hold was at his/her job, or the cat has an unsually large hair-ball. Sometimes the 20-something of 2010 needs to spiral into a viscous meltdown. 

Why does this happen? because as a 20-something you are entering into the world of the quarter life crisis, recently dubbed QLC. Essentially you are now entering the stage of uncertainty that goes along with that transition into adulthood. AWESOME!!...... 

As someone who is not OK with goodbyes (not to be confused with change... I love when things get improved upon) the QLC is a very real thing. I am still far from being a successful adult, but definitely not able to call myself a kid anymore. Friends are not just down the hall or across the street anymore to vent to or lean on for the day-to-day support and are going through the exact same thing. This time is legitimately hard. 

So when do you do when any or all of the above happen? Freak out a little bit. Sometime the panic attack ensues and all you want to do is call mom or dad. Put down the phone! Mom and dad are great, but it is time to embrace being an adult. 

Here are some of my sure fire ways to calm down during a QLC meltdown.

Step 1: Pick a problem. What is it that is freaking you out? I am sure there are is a list of things that has you ready to explode at your roommate, best friend, significant other and dog. But try to deal with the one thing that is setting you off.

Step 2: Decide if you can fix it right now. There are things that are within your control, and things that you just cannot avoid being an issue at this age. For instance, you can't control the fact that bills are due. Stop freaking out about it, adult up and pay them. However, when your boss decides to start reminiscing about former account coordinator, John Smith, there are steps that can be taken here.

Step 3: Write your problem down. By doing this, you can physically see what is bothering you and focus on this one issue.

Step 4: Keep writing. Freak out on paper. This way your roommate, best friend, significant other don't see you at this low point (you will have a few of these meltdowns... they will get old.) 

Step 5: Get back on track. OK, so you started writing and it got out of hand... go back to the top of your page and look at the issue you decided was the instigator of your freak out. 

Step 6: Think about a way to positively enhance the situation. In the case of your boss measuring you up to the former AC, there is a reason for it. Sit down and ask your boss about said individual and what it was that made him/her so awesome at the job. You are not recreating the wheel, just rolling with it.

Step 7: Make it your own. So you got some great tips... here is where you can roll with that proverbial wheel but add some flair to the spokes. 

Now, sometimes these steps won't work out the first time around. That is OK, come up with your own system. Find the person who is most level headed around you that can act as your QLC sponsor. 

Let's get the ball rolling, shall we?

Alright, let's face it. Post grad is not what we thought it would be. Sure, I had a stint at an awesome high-tech PR firm as an intern for about five months. Oh, and I escaped the dreaded "living at home" bit by moving into a cute 1-bedroom apartment in one of the most 20-something friendly suburb in California. I shouldn't be complaining.

But since my awesome internship and sexy apartment transitions, life has taken quite the interesting turn. I am now back at my college job at a major theme park near my home town, while my best college comrade is couch surfing in my living room (and helping me tow the line in rent of course).

So life doesn't include a 401K or benefits at this point. I have the stability to afford my own health insurance, an apartment, and of course... my iPhone. But about every four weeks I break down and tend to panic... where the heck is life taking me?!?

We had elementary school, when life's biggest challenges included spelling, math and pudding vs. Jello-O. Then there was middle school, where determining which Spice Girl was most like you determined your standing in school. High school brought a feeling of freedom. Sure I didn't have the hippest ride, but my '95 Tercel got me to and from colorguard rehearsal without getting stuck on the way... too often.

When college hit we were able to transition from whatever stereotype we were in high school, to whatever we wanted. For me that changed quite a few times over the course of my 5-year stint at California State University, Chico.

Each of these transitions had defined starts and endings, usually involving some sort of bad cap and gown ensemble with a Costco cake following. But after our final slice of education cake, what's the next big step? Oh wait, that's right... for many of us it is our wedding cake.

Don't get mewww.csuchico.edu wrong, I constantly am thinking about weddings. My sister is getting married, my boyfriends roommate is getting married, my college roommate just got married... it is wedding fever! But it is terrifying to realize that the next big change in our lives will be when we decide to "settle down" and  get hitched.

So here is to all of us 20-somethings who are still searching for that thing to make them shine before we put on that pretty white dress (or dashing tux for all those guys out there). May we brave the next 5-10 years with all the grace and ease we did when we forged through the decision of *Nsync or Backstreet Boys.