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| Yes, these are my favorite people in the world |
Even though I came home exhausted and in need of a real vacation, I loved watching them interact and realizing that 50 years from now, I could see them still getting along (which is good, because Bestie and I have decided that when our men die -- because all men die first, right? -- we will be heterosexual life partners.)
Having your best friend and your boyfriend being so close is great in a lot of ways, but also has its draw backs. But, in order to maintain a healthy relationship with both... it is crucial. So here are a few tricks to keeping the best friend and the boyfriend in sync.
1) Sharing your time separately
Girl nights: Boys have their poker, girls need a weekly meetup without their men as well! My bests and I love our reality TV nights and are particularly into So You Think You Can Dance and The Bachelorette. For those of you living with boyfriends, this needs to be done at a different location. We definitely have tried it at my place and Mr. Live-in has now gotten on board and is invested in who gets that final rose! Bless his heart.
Date nights: They should be just that. My favorite thing in the world is when Mr. Live-in and I will go out to dinner and a movie just the two of us, getting away from home, work and friends. Just being together.
Keeping the conversation off of the other party: No one likes gossip. Oh wait... everyone loves gossip. But maybe set aside a few minutes to talk about what is going on in the third parties life and then move on. It is important to keep the boyfriend and best friend in the loop about each other, but it should never monopolize the conversation for the night.
2) Sharing your time together
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Keep them talking... to each other: Something they have in common. For these two it's Disney, Scuba Diving and of course... mocking me! Whatever works, even it isn't something they can do on a regular basis, just keep them talking to each other! It is better to have you feel like the third wheel for an hour, than to have either of them feeling left out every time they hang out together.
Find a reason to have them swap digits: You would not believe how much easier my life became when I did not have to play middle man for those two. Ladies, if you are the jealous type... DO NOT go here.... it might drive you crazy. But if you completely trust both parties, this works very well in your favor. Just remember, if he is smart he will utilize Bestie for things like birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and other big moments. By nature this will bring them closer together and you will not have to work nearly as hard to keep both happy at any given point.
3) Introduce both to your separate nights:
I have a unique situation with Mr. Live-in and Bestie. See, Bestie has a long distance man throughout most of the year, early in our relationship Mr. Live-in realized adopting Bestie into some of our dates would earn him A LOT of points. He even went as far as taking us both to an afternoon movie on Valentine's Day, because her man wasn't in town. But for a lot of people, these (platonic) three way dates are not so easy.
Seating arrangements: At the movies this one is easy, sit between them. But things like dinner get tough, if you are at a booth you have to choose who you are sitting with (or having them sit together which is just downright uncomfortable for everyone.) Best to always go for chaired tables so you can be more middle ground as well.
Not getting too touchy: Hand holding, spooning, PDA... all awesome... when you are not with a group of people. Sure a little hand holding and stolen kisses are great, but when it comes to having Mr. Live-in come around for girl time, don't make the others sad that their men aren't around (or worse, that they don't have men.)
And that's it. Keep them together, keep them separate... and break the rules.
